What is Parental Burnout?
“I need a break!” is a statement every parent makes at some point. If you often feel like you need a break from parenting, you may be burned out. Parental burnout occurs when a parent experiences a combination of physical, mental, and/or emotional exhaustion due to attending to seemingly endless parental duties (Hubert & Aujoulat, 2018).
Causes of parental burnout can differ from person to person. The Covid-19 pandemic has intensified parental burnout for many. Consequences of the pandemic, such as children needing to have a caregiver present while they virtually attend school from home, have created additional duties and stressors for parents (Kerr et al., 2021).
Culture also plays a significant role in parental burnout. For example, parents in Western countries tend to experience greater levels of burnout because of the value placed on individualism, or the idea that parents should be able to do it all on their own (Roskam et al., 2021).
If you are feeling burned out with parenting, you are not alone! A recent study found that 2/3 of parents reported feeling burned out (The Ohio State University, 2022). The good news is that there are steps you can take to recognize and manage it.
Signs of Parental Burnout
Although all parents experience burnout differently, consider the following common signs of parental burnout (Hubert & Aujoulat, 2018):
Physical Exhaustion
- Chronic fatigue
- Poor sleep
- Changes in appetite
- Body aches
- Dizziness
- Feeling “sick” more than usual.
Example: You may not spend as much quality time with your child as you used to, because you feel too tired to talk or play with them after completing your daily duties.
Mental Exhaustion
- Poor or impulsive decision-making
- Difficulty concentrating
- Decreased productivity and/or apathy
Example: You may struggle to help your child with their homework, because it’s hard to concentrate, or because you simply don’t have the mental capacity to care about an assignment that is only worth 5 or 10 points.
Emotional Exhaustion
- Increased irritability
- Being overly self-critical
- Loss of interest in activities that were previously enjoyable
- Feelings of helplessness
- Excessive worrying
- Strained relationships
Example: You may begin to snap at your child for little things that previously did not bother you much, such as when they forget to put their clothes in the laundry basket.
Understanding the common signs of parental burnout can help you to recognize your warning signs and to determine what coping skills will work best for you.
5 Ways to Cope with Parental Burnout
Using healthy coping skills can lessen the negative effects of parental burnout (The Ohio State University, 2022). A few examples of healthy coping skills are:
1: Finding Time for Self-Care: Even if it’s just a few minutes a day, try to do something that you find relaxing. If you do not have much time to spare, it can be something simple, such as taking a warm 5-minute bath before bed or finding a quiet space to close your eyes and breathe. If you do have some time to spare, consider trying activities that you already find enjoyable or have always wanted to try. This could be reading, knitting, cooking, kickboxing, hiking, playing a sport, and so on. The possibilities are endless!
2: Delegating Household Tasks/Responsibilities as Needed: Consider each person’s capabilities and obligations to determine who can take on additional or different responsibilities. For example, as children get older, they can help more around the house with things like taking out the trash, cleaning the kitchen, safely preparing some of their food (such as an easy-to-make snack), and/or keeping their own spaces tidy.
3: Setting Realistic Expectations: While going above and beyond for your child is admirable, the reality is that you can’t always live up to certain expectations that you set for yourself. In fact, if you aim to be the “perfect parent,” you likely will burn out trying to achieve that title. Give yourself permission to take breaks, to make changes, to have limitations, and to make mistakes.
4: Feeling Your Emotions and Talking About Your Feelings: Bottling things up eventually can lead to an explosion! Find comfortable and healthy ways to express yourself, such as journaling, talking to a trusted loved one, or seeking out a mental health professional. How you feel matters!
5: Asking for Help: Try your best to continue building your support system and explore available resources. You may consider asking family or friends to lend a helping hand. There are also support services that may be offered by your child’s school (after-school programs, bus transportation, etc.). Sometimes, religious/spiritual institutions have “parent nights” or youth groups, and community organizations offer parent support groups. Asking for help can be difficult, but please remember you do not have to do this alone!
The Reality of Parental Burnout
Parental burnout is unique, because you can’t take “time off” from being a parent. Feeling burned out does not make you a bad parent, it makes you human. It can happen to any parent at any time (Roskam et al., 2021). You can try different coping skills to learn what works best for you; practicing self-compassion is always a good place to start!
Scholarly Sources
Abramson, A. (2021, October 1). The impact of parental burnout. American Psychological Association. https://www.apa.org/monitor/2021/10/cover-parental-burnout
Hill, D. (2022, March 7). How to revive from parental burnout. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/striving-thriving/202203/how-revive-parental-burnout
Hubert, S. & Aujoulat, I. (2018). Parental burnout: When exhausted mothers open up. Frontiers in Psychology, 9(1021), 1-9. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2018.01021
Kerr, M. L., Fanning, K. A., Huyng, T., Botto, I., & Kim, C. N. (2021). Parents’ self-reported psychological impacts of COVID-19: Associations with parental burnout, child behavior, and income. Journal of Pediatric Psychology, 46(10), 1162-1171. https://doi.org/10.1093/jpepsy/jsab089
Roskam, I., Aguiar, J., Akgun, E., Arikan, G., Artavia, M., Avalosse, H., Aunola, K., Bade, M., Bahati, C., Barham, E. J., Besson, E., Beyers, W., Boujut, E., Brianda, M. E., Brytek-Matera, A., Carbonneau, N., Cesar, F., Chen, B., Dorard, G.,…Mikolajczak, M. (2021). Parental burnout around the globe: A 42-country study. Affective Science, 2, 58-79. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42761-020-00028-4
The Ohio State University (2022, May). Pandemic parenting: Examining the epidemic of working parental burnout and strategies to help. https://wellness.osu.edu/sites/default/files/documents/2022/05/OCWO_ParentalBurnout_3674200_Report_FINAL.pdf
WebMD Editorial Contributors (2021, June 28). What to know about parental burnout. WebMD. https://www.webmd.com/parenting/what-to-know-about-parental-burnout
