What Is Conflict?
Most of us will spend over one-third of our lives working for someone other than ourselves. A common phrase “working for the man” represents the entity who gets our time, talent, and skill. The workplace can be enjoyable and fulfilling, giving us a positive return on our investment. We receive a monetary reward for doing our jobs each day. Hence, we receive weekly or biweekly paychecks, end-of-the year bonuses, and salary or wage increases for promotion within departments or teams. We also may hold great passion for the work we do each day, thus giving us an added intrinsic value for continuing the course of our employment. The opposite of an enjoyable and fulfilling workplace is one consumed with conflict among staff, coworkers/colleagues, and at times, a sincere lack of leadership.
Conflict is a result of one person’s bad behavior meeting another’s hurt sensibilities, somewhere between the third-floor office and the breakroom. Conflict can infiltrate the whole organization, many times from the top down. Examples of colleague conflict might include hostility, antagonism, poor communication, misunderstanding, competitiveness, and negative mindsets. Conflict also denotes opposing sides and misaligned behaviors in the workplace. Colleague conflict is different from drama; however, many workplaces become a pool of daily drama. Conflict, of any kind, is a part of life. We will not get through our lives without having to address some type of conflict, especially in the workplace. Workplaces of all sizes and shapes will deal with some form of conflict over time.
4 Types Of Conflict
There are several areas involving colleague and workplace conflict that are worth examining. These areas tend to be some of the most pervasive conflict issues in the workplace.
1. Lack of Communication: Communication is a two-way process between two people or groups of people. It is how we share thoughts and ideas. There is a sender and a receiver. It is the sender’s responsibility to convey the meaning behind the intent of the message. It is the receiver’s responsibility to decode the message and listen to understand, not necessarily to reply. Many, if not all, issues with problematic communication revolve around poor messages being sent, and incorrect deciphering of the message. Many things get in the way of effective communication. Body language, tone of voice, emotional undertones, semantics, and our assumptions that the other person knows exactly what we are talking about.
Basic communication skills are important to understand and to use daily. These skills can be learned and fine tuned for effective communication to rise to the top of all conversations. These basic communication skills include listening to understand, asking open-ended questions, asking close-ended questions, paraphrasing, clarifying, assessing non-verbal cues, asking for facilitators, and silence. Even under the best of circumstances, misunderstandings and colleague conflict may develop. It is during those times that a facilitator, a manager, or a team leader may need to be involved to help mediate and direct the conversations.
2. Personality Differences: Personality differences exist in every workplace. It is one of the factors that can help drive ideas, create workflow, and promote unique interactions. All of us have talents and skills we bring to the workplace. The differences among us also may contribute to rumor mills, gossiping, backstabbing, competition, office cliques, shunning, crying, shouting, and frustration. Attitudes, differing beliefs, cultural diversity, and individual perception are at the heart of many colleague conflicts. Managers or team leaders may need to become involved in helping to navigate personality differences. Appropriate strategies, good policy, and workplace procedures help prevent conflict from escalating out of control.
3. Responsibility and Role Issues: Knowing our roles and responsibilities in the workplace help us better understand how we contribute to the overall good of the organization or company. Convoluted roles and responsibilities inevitably will lead to colleague conflict and potential drama. Job descriptions provide a clear understanding of duties and responsibilities for each position in the workplace and help achieve organizational goals. Defining roles for employees that are clearly communicated will help prevent colleague conflict over duties and/or team projects. Managers, supervisors, HR staff, and the organization must provide clear policies and procedures to follow for job duties and for handling conflict, grievances, reports, and complaints. Polices provide guidance, consistency, accountability, and clarity of the day-to-day operations for a business or company.
4. Leadership and Management: The outcome of workplace conflict depends on how it is addressed and resolved. Managers, leaders, supervisors, and HR staff are the first line of defense for any employee or staff when dealing with colleague conflict. When staff go to their managers or to HR, there is an expectation that their concerns will be heard and addressed according to policy and procedure in a timely manner. Unresolved conflict will lead to low morale, distrust, resentment, and negative emotions in the workplace. Many managers will avoid conflict due to uncertainty about how to handle the issue. It is imperative for managers, supervisors, and HR staff to deal with conflict while addressing issues as they arise. Company trainings or conferences on dealing with conflict should be made available for managers and supervisors. When staff feel valued, heard, and understood, and their needs are addressed, they will be more committed to their work and to the company.
When colleague conflict is not resolved, there are healthy ways that an individual can navigate the conflict, both at work and at home. Work/life balance is essential for minimizing the stress at work, while also maintaining emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.
Why Do I Feel This Way?
It is difficult to know what to do when colleague and workplace conflict happens. If you get stuck in the middle of the conflict, you may feel unable to set a good boundary for yourself. You may start to feel like this is not your issue and try to walk away from it. Other people may want you to stay connected to the conflict, as you provide an audience for the bad behavior. When, or if, you do step in to help, or try to resolve the issue, it is important for you to use “I” statements in any conversations you may have. For example, “I feel really hurt when you continue to put down my project ideas, and I have contributed several in the past quarter.” When you have to engage the conflict head on, use those “I” statements. Another example might include “I am not going to continue to be part of the negative conflict within this team; you will need to talk to the supervisor about this.”
You may feel frustration, hurt, anger, disappointment, and overall exhaustion as a result of colleague and workplace conflict. Your feelings may be very normal in situations like this in the workplace. You may feel undervalued, because the conflict has taken priority for you and for everyone else. You may feel as if your supervisor or manager is not addressing the issue. The two most important things that you can do in such situations are to set good boundaries and to value yourself in the work that you do each day. Make sure that you can stay on top of your emotions while at work. You will need to help yourself stay focused on the tasks at hand, following your job duties and continuing to work toward a common goal. You are important. You are a vital part of the work you do each day. Remember, you can take care of your emotional, mental, and physical needs at work and at home.
4 Wellbeing Strategies
Self-Care: Engaging in a self-care routine can help alleviate anxiety, reduce depression, and improve energy. We can find ways to cultivate self-care routines in the workplace. Ideas might include taking breaks, staying hydrated, using a lunch break to leave the office for a bit, or creating a relaxing workspace. There are many ways to promote well-being and self-care away from work. Time with family or friends, getting out in nature, developing a hobby, meditation, yoga or Tai Chi, spiritual or religious activities, and time for reflection are some simple ideas to help reduce the personal impact of workplace conflict.
Setting Boundaries: Learning to set boundaries allows us to eliminate emotional and mental clutter. Healthy boundaries are like a no trespassing sign: No trespassing on our self-respect, our values, our ideas, and our integrity. Boundaries allow us to draw a line in the sand for others to see. Learning to say “no” to extra projects or undue expectations at work can help. Learning to say “yes” when workplace situations need affirmation or engagement also can help. Learning where we end and others begin is essential. One important way to learn how to set boundaries is to step back from the situation and reevaluate our responses. Setting boundaries with coworkers may help eliminate or resolve conflict before it escalates.
Getting Support: When workplace or colleague conflict arises, finding good support will help provide connection and assistance. Talking with a trusted coworker or supervisor can help eliminate frustration and uncertainty. Guidance from HR or trusted managers can help an employee feel valued and respected. Many times, support for workplace conflict can be found in friends and family. Reaching out for support at work or at home may help lessen the emotional and mental impact of coworker conflict.
Letting Go/Moving On: If workplace conflict remains unresolved for a long period of time, an individual may have to consider letting go and/or moving on. Letting go might involve an individual doing better self-care or setting healthier boundaries. Separating out from the conflict internally can strengthen an individual’s ability to set boundaries. At times, workplace conflict that continues with no resolution in sight, may very well be a sign to move on to better things. This might include additional education, new employment, or starting a new endeavor. Allowing ourselves to be open to innovative ideas and opportunities may well be the unseen benefit of colleague conflict and workplace issues. Staying proactive and open minded will help create new paths of discovery.
Scholarly Sources
Boa, Y., Zhu, F., Hu, Y., & Ning, C. (2016). The research of interpersonal conflict and solution strategies. Psychology, 7, 541-545. 10.4236/psych.2016.74055
Coleman, P. T., Deutsch, M., & Marcus, E. C. (2014). The handbook of conflict resolution: Theory and practice (3rd ed.). Jassey-Bass.
Gobin, R. L. (2019) The self-care prescription: Powerful solutions to manage stress, reduce anxiety & increase wellbeing. Althea Press.
Grover M., S. (2005p). Shaping effective communication skills and therapeutic relationships at work: The foundation of collaboration. AAOH Journal, 53(4), 177-182. 15853294
Hamre, K. V., Fauske, M. R., Renkins, I., Nielsen, M. B., Gjerstad, J., & Einarsen, S. V. (2021). Preventing and neutralizing the escalation of workplace bullying: The role of conflict management climate. International Journal of Bullying Prevention. https://doi.org/10.1007/s42380-021-00100-y
Mapes, J. (2003) Quantum leap thinking: An owner’s guide to the mind. Sourcebooks.
Toor, S-u-r., & Ofori, G. (2008). Leadership versus management: How they are different, and why. Leadership and Management in Engineering, 8(2), 61-71. https://doi.org/10.1061/(ASCE)1532-6748(2008)8:2(61)
Thakore, D. (2013). Conflict and conflict management. Journal of Business and Management, 8(6), p.7-16.
